In life, we are all dealt a unique set of cards. Some of us, unfortunately, are left playing with the worst of the deck, but even so, we still have a shot at winning.
I always thought I’d know what to do; in any situation that is. But I was wrong. As many of you may know, the woman who gave me life and taught me everything I know has become terminally ill. Over the past three years, I and my family have experienced a journey that has left us all wondering: why.
If I can tell you all some helpful advice I’ve learned on this journey; stop asking why.
Asking why does nothing but make you really freaking angry and pissed off at the world. I’ve done enough screaming and crying asking why to family, friends, and God; and it has done absolutely nothing but shit on my day.
Having to come to terms with the fact my mother possibly won’t be there physically to watch me graduate college, get married, have a child; is something that I never thought I would have to prepare myself for at 21. It’s really freaking hard, but it’s life, and life is probably the most fucked up game of cards we get to play. But again, asking why, won’t help one bit.
Now, as I sit in my room, staring at the wall, I think to myself, after three years, I don’t care why. I understand that what I am going through, what my mother is going through, my family is going through, it sucks, really sucks, but whatever happens, we are all gonna be okay. Things happen for mysterious reasons, and again I don’t know why, but I no longer care. I’m okay with not knowing why things happen because God has a plan. No longer am I going to fight against the will of why; from now on why no longer exists in my vocabulary.
The only thing left now is faith. No one knows what is going to happen, but it’s okay to be a mess from time to time during this journey. I’m just hoping my cards pull through for a win.
Love Always,
Lex Paige
P.S. Prayers are always appreciated.
