Over the past couple of weeks, my life has been a bit hectic, which in return has to lead my mind to wander, thinking about unusual life questions.
More so, however, the questions of love and grief have been reoccurring topics within my oh so brilliant mind. Questions like, what is love? Why do people grieve? Why do we grieve differently? Why do we all have different views, methods, interpretations about love and grief; have all been playing over and over again in my head like an awful pop song; making me wonder; making me search for an answer.
At one point I imagined that a sorcerer would appear and tell me the answer, or potentially an intellectual forest animal that could speak words of wisdom to me. I think at one point too, I sat in my room staring at the wall hoping words would appear on the white canvas telling me everything I needed to know.
But then, like always, reality set back in; and frankly, I figured I had a better shot at winning the lottery than any of those situations ever occurring.
But despite my lack of mystical help, I was able to figure it out. At least what I find to be a suitable answer.
All by myself.
THE ANSWERS
What is love?
Besides being an awful song by Haddaway, the love I find is rather difficult to define. It’s different for everyone, which makes it undefinable. However, I don’t think I could say the love I have for my pets is the same as the love I share with my family, or the love I have for my futuristic children, will be the same as the love I will share with my futuristic husband either; which is why I believe everyone grieves differently. Because of how different love is.
Why do we love?
We love because we were genetically programmed this way. Not everyone, of course, chooses to love the same things or the same way, but everyone has the capability to love. That’s why in those downright awful animation movies the evil villain that was about to destroy the whole world, miraculously finds love in his heart and wouldn’t cha know it, the day is saved! Hooray!
Even criminals, scrooges, and Oscar the Grouch have love. Just like I said, for different things and in different ways.
We all simply have the ability to love because it’s in our DNA.
The Loss
Now, this brings me to the downside of love; the loss.People lose things they love every second of every day. Losing something you love is basically a part of life. Objects, pets, relationships, time, and most importantly people; are taken away every day, all things we love.
Arguably, the most difficult thing to cope with losing that we love is in my opinion, a person. Despite whether or not you hate people, which sometimes I do, or if you are that lonely cat lady that “claims” to be alone and have no friends, you still at some point in your life have had someone close to you that you’ve loved to go away, so you can still relate to what I’m about to say.
It fucking sucks.
Point blank and I try not to ever curse within my writing, but frankly, I think this is suitable, it just never is a fair deal. I know from experience, losing someone you love, no matter whom it is, never feels good: but this is where the grieving comes in.
Now, for me, I am very spiritual, so grieving I suppose, is easier for me. However, I’ve personally had the pleasure of watching people around me grieve, and noticed this certainly is not the case for everyone. Some people grieve by screaming, being angry. Some cry, a lot, at the drop of a hat actually, because all they can feel is sad. Some don’t say anything or just drink. And some, unfortunately, result in ways of grieving that are destructive. Nonetheless, do any of them have to provide a reason for the way they grieve?
My answer is no.
Pain makes people change
I read once that if you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain. And if you want to have love, you have to deal with the grief. It’s just a part of life. I wish I could tell you differently, but in reality, it is what it is. Our grieving, however, despite how we may do it, does change us. Pain is truly only temporary, despite how unwelcoming it is, eventually, it will fade away. It’s not a secret that everyone feels pain in different ways, we just have to remember that the pain we endure, will ultimately change us in the end.
Good vs. Bad
The change can ultimately be good or bad. This is our choice. We can let the grieving process and the pain we feel strengthen us or make us weak. This again is all up to us. As I have learned, one’s depth of grief corresponds to the depth of one’s love for what has been. This is why we all experience grieving differently.
The Result
The end result of all my questions was this: LIFE.
Simple, I know. But true. This is life, and life, as you and I know it, is filled with countless questions provided without answers, because life is forever a mystery.
How we all engage in love and grief is all different because of the mystery of life. We are all like computers, all programmed differently to operate a certain way. I guess in a way I already knew the best answers to my questions, unfortunately, it just took me a little while to finally sort them all out.
My advice, love and let loss however you please. We are fortunate beings to be able to love and loss, so utilize it. Honestly, even though the pain may seem unbearable at times, the love is worth it.
With Love,
Lex Paige
