3 Months 

Today marks three months.
Three brutal, hardly bearable, devastating months.

Lately, with my college graduation approaching and Mother’s Day on the way, I keep harping on the idea that just maybe if I pray hard enough or wish with all my might, things may go back to how they use to be. But then reality sets in…and I realize once again this is my life and I must deal with it the best I can.

You know it’s hard growing up as it is, but for those who have to do it without the ones who helped mold and shape them, well no offense to you all but it’s just a little bit harder. It’s like when you have to swallow that nasty red medicine. You really don’t want to do it, it’s going to happen, either way, so you suck it up and deal with it…and in the end, you turn out well…ok.

See that’s the thing that moves me forward each day without my mom. Knowing I am going to be ok. Even though half the time I don’t believe it and rather think it’s a load of crap, I know deep down inside it is true, and life is full of magic secrets that help everything, in the end, turn out okay. But, for the time being, I’m still sad, probably because it’s there are a bunch of firsts piling up that I have to face without her.

Now don’t get me wrong the rest of my family is doing an amazing job at helping me, supporting me, and loving me…basically, anything else they can: but here’s the thing…just they have your own issues too. So that leaves me with this: One thing my mother instilled in my brain that I will forever thank her for was I must learn to be independent because, in the end, no one else can do it but you…well, in this case, me.

And frankly, she was right, still is. Being able to face these new obstacles by myself is going to be a challenge like it is for everyone else experiencing it, but despite my added hardships, I am going to be able to conquer them better than anyone else. I am going to graduate, I am going to get a job, I am going to have fun, there’s no doubt I am going to be famous and shit I am going to make my mother and my family so proud they aren’t going to know what to do!

So, even though it is three months today and in two months it will be five and seven more after that will be a year: we beat on. Why? Because if your loved ones are anything like mine you know they would never let us fall, never want anything but the best. Life is always going to be a challenge, always going to want us to escape reality. Just remember one thing: you are never alone.

With Love,

Lex Paige